I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
