I got chris browned last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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