I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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