The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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