i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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