bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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