can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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