Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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