just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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