the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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