Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think i just lost a toe
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