Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
