My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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