You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
