Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
