adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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