I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
