those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
