An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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