her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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