talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
