you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
