so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
