If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
