A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
