I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
