Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
