Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
