Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
