im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you told grandpa to call you daddy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
