I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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