I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
