Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
