I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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