was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
