there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
