There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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