he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize