I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
