i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
