He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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