U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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