Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
