This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
