Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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