Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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