That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
