Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
