Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
