Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
