drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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