You can't special order awesome
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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