Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
