You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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