Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
