It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
