Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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