either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
