I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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