I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
