If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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