Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
