No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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