I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
