i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
