Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she smelled like a LAN party
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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