So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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