Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
