can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
