i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
