Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're like the curious george of whores
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
