Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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